Hairdressing

Just thought a different picture might be in order.

Here I am, thoughtfully having my hair and head rearranged by the Boy.

The slightly wild look is one with which my chums are familiar. It's the 'of course I am coping' look.

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catching up

So...here I am after a very long time. Why the silence?   Why not? Life  and all that it entails have prevented me from writing....I have been up, I have been down, JBoy has been mostly awake, I have hurt my back so M has been permanent ParentonDuty for goodness knows how long ...you know, the usual.

One thing which is HUGE is that we have dipped our toes into the big ,scary pool of residential care for our Boy. As we are not getting any younger and as the Boy has not outgrown his dreadful sleep patterns, we have decided that,long term , the best plan would be to make sure that he has the best care available....and that might not be us. It is, quite frankly, terrifying.

It has all been approved in theory but the powers that be need to find a reasonably priced bungalow in this town of ours, where cheap and yet large bungalows are few and far between...so it may be some time. They need a dwelling for 3 or 4 chaps, including our Boy, plus residential carers . ...with outside space, in the local environs so that the chaps can still go to the MMDC.....all for less than a sum specified.

We mostly don’t think about, choosing to face it when it becomes more of a reality for us. Also, if I think about it too often I feel dreadfully sad.

What else????

Ah yes....M may be made redundant...but he may not. The local authority for whom he works has no money and is looking to save as much as they can...by dispensing with useful and marvellous people who help the vulnerable. It isn’t a done deal for M, unlike some of his colleagues who have already gone.  (We have mentally spent the redundancy package 😂😂😂😂)( on frivolities...like a new set of kitchen taps as our cold water tap often decides that it knows best and that we don’t need water after all, even though we thought we did)(or maybe we could have a small holiday???????) So we await the decision. To be honest, it holds less anguish than it would have done 10 years ago as we are so much older and so much more tired than we were then....

I am still working at the Bookface. It is still my bit of space to be me rather than Jboy’s mum ...my colleagues are a lovely  lot...which makes it even better.

I have been teaching myself Russian for about a year....as if I don’t have enough to keep my brain whirling in a frenzy. I love it. I can read a bit now and request tea, coffee or bread...so I should be fine, come the Revolution.


Well, M is busy painting the kitchen,,,as you do when you have a respite weekend...so I had better minister to him with tea and biscuits.

Maybe I will be able to get my mental state into a place  of being able to write stuff again. (It helps me even if no one in the world reads it)

So, once again, this is
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long time .......

So..it has been a long time since I last sat and  wrote a bit of a blog. No excuses....no reason..other than that of life.

I can't really remember where we were at last time I write so I shall assume that it was an age ago and start from there....

Melody Maid and Bassman Bill became Mr and Mrs Bill at the end of May. The wedding was joyful and fun, it didn't rain and was enjoyed by all.  The build up wasn't full of tension and fraughtness, just a lot of laughs, shrugging of shoulders as things went wrong and smiles when they went right. Well done, everyone!!!  JBoy did not attend. This was deliberate as he would have been very stressed by the whole thing and it also meant that we were able to enjoy it as much as the next man or woman!

DG has finished another term doing her thing. She has moved from her little house to a delightful flat which she will be sharing with others. Our house is now full once again of stuff...having been clear for a while, post wedding. Ah well. What are parents for if not a respository of all things?

We have had a week without the Boy. M has taken time off and I have also been absent from the Bookface for a few days. We have, during this time of leisure, moved DG from the house to the flat, M has tiled the downstairs bathroom...or rather completed the tiling in the downstairs bathroom....we have been to Birmingham, we have eaten OUT, we have watched completely unboy suitable tv, not had a potato for days and been to bed later than 9 o'clock. I have read about 7 books and had a rare old time.....

We have missed JBoy. Of course we have but we have also had a taste of how life must be for our contemporaries who seem to be retiring all around us.

i am now enjoying the last hour before his return...

Normal service will be resumed this evening.

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Better Monday

so.....having had my melt down and jolly good cry yesterday, I feel a lot better today. Nothing has changed, obviously. I was up with The Boy at about 1 and that was us, awake. So ,I should feel weary (I do) but somehow the abject misery and feelings of hopeless uselessness which so over whelmed me yesterday have somewhat dissipated.  I still grieve for that 'ordinariness' that many of the rest of our friends and acquaintances experience....but today, I am coping. It maybe helped that I read someone else's blog about  coping on some days but not coping on others. It helped. Maybe I am ordinary...in a different sort of of ordinary way. Maybe our family is ordinary...in its own way. I don't know. I just know that today I am coping. For that I am grateful.

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melt down sunday

So...today I had a melt down. Endless broken nights, endlessly unconditi0nally being on hand, relentless demands...finally I tipped. It was a simple passing comment from another of our offspring that tipped me into a downward freefall. It wasn't meant to have that effect. But it did. Our life has not been an ordinary one for many years...but I didn't know how much I grieved for that ordinary life. I hadn't realised how much I long for an ordinary family where we can all sit around together and laugh together and maybe go on holiday together, with our children and their children. I hadn't known how much I envy the ordinariness of going to the pub..or an impromptu visit to a pizza house without military precision planning, bags of huge nappies, wipes etc.i hadn't acknowledged aloud the depth of my feelings, the agony of the pain of not being ordinary and the effect that has had on us as a family unit. I feel like I have failed.


So today has turned out to be a less than lovely day.

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the bird has flown

So....hours and moment have passed since last I wrote.  Things change. My lovely chum has gone back to the land of her birth which happens to be on the other side of the world. I know that in these modern times we can still keep in touch much more readily than in days gone by but it feels very different, knowing that I can't just pop over to see her.

DG has been home and gone back again. It is so lovely to see her but also so lovely knowing that she is doing the thing which she loves.  For me though, there is a gap where she was. This has happened with each of our offspring...they have left...flown...as is right and proper...and the gap they left behind will never be filled in the same way again. This is how it should be..I know. Except of course for JBoy. He is still here and will be for the foreseeable future. However M and I are becoming very aware of our age and the fact that we won't be able to do all we do with JBoy for much longer...but the alternative feels too hard.

the birds have flown
All but one
Who stays,
Entwined
Enrobed with parental love
As we age around him

the early start

So....I was awoken this morning at 11.38pm...so technically last night. Not very funny but if I don't laugh about it, I might cry!!! #Choosing to laugh.  I am just learning about these hashtags..still not sure of their purpose but I have been told I have to do it!!

JBoy did sleep a bit on and off after that so it isn't all bad. We listened to the twinkletinkle toy ad nauseam but I must have fallen asleep for a little while because I had a dream that I had smashed the twinkletinkle toy into a million pieces....but it was just a dream...or a nightmare, maybe.

The bus was the Right Bus this morning but with the Wrong driver so it was spectacularly late, leaving JBoy and I outside in the 'mild' February weather which may be mild for February but which feels positively fierce after an hour. Shivering, he climbed thankfully aboard whilst I went into the house to thaw. Having thawed, I ventured out again ,but this time with my big thick coat, to purchase the potatoes and have a little potter about. Not working today but I did stop to admire  'my' window (I was allowed and even encouraged to do the children's window yesterday...oh I had such fun.....) before forging forwards to the supermarket where I managed to purchase enough potatoes to keep the Boy happy for a couple of days.  I think baked today. Easiest for me and with my brain in a slightly mushed state I think easy is the way to go.

An hour before the Boy returns and the house is filled once again with the sound of singing Santas and noisy cars.
#Christmasallyear

How am I doing with the hashtags???? Who knows? Who cares???

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