seaweed and snails

So...stuff people put on their faces...you know, moisturiser for example. Not make up. I don't really do face make up. In fact I was in a shop recently looking for something for Dancing Girl and picked up an attractive little container which had pale pink shiny bubbles inside..what is not to like? i had no idea what it was at all but took it to the till ,sure that DG would know what it was for and would be forever in my debt. "That's £14.99,please."said the glamourous 12 year old behind the till. "WHAT?"I replied as only an ancient can  when faced with the complexities of modernity. "Well it is a very good lightener/highlighter(I have forgotten what she said exactly)". "Well, I don't think i am going to pay that" I smiled to soften the blow of my lack of purchase. "I think I will let my girl buy her own.."  "Oh isn't it for you?"asked the small child with a full face of make up who was serving me. I merely smiled and pointed to the face,,,au naturel. "Do I LOOK like I use that?" I asked. She was obviously a well brought up child because she just smiled politely and left the guffawing until I was out of earshot. Almost.  But back to moisturiser and suchlike..things which are less scary. Oh but are they?? I know that seaweed stuff is supposed to do wonders for the skin (have you ever seen a mermaid with bad skin) but I read recently that snail gel aka snail slime is  supposed to be the new miracle thing. How did they discover that? Seaweed I can understand.Apart from mermaids obviously, someone went swimming and emerged from the waves bedecked with a bit of laver or mermaids purse stuck to their face and thought to themselves, 'Mmm that makes my skin feel good. I shall market it immediately',,but SNAILS??  Did someone fall on a snail? or a snail fall on someone's face and after sitting with a snail on their cheek for a while that someone thought,'This feels gooood. I shall market it'?..or was it someone who was bored and wanted to see exactly what people would buy?? I expect it is very expensive and you might do just as well to buy a couple of snails, one for each cheek and sit about with a little gastropod doing its thing. I shall not be joining in with that.
The slimy End