SO....today, after yet another night of being awoken at 2.30am followed by several hours of wrestling and scratching and pummelling, I have today contacted an organisation that gives long term residential care to adults like my Boy. I sent the email but now I feel like the worst person in the entire world. He is snoozing peacefully and trustingly on my shoulder, calm and content knowing he is loved and cared for unstintingly which makes me feel like traitorous baggage. I have to remind myself that I only sent an initial enquiry... even thinking about it makes me feel awful. We ,M and I ,watched a film recently. It was called Live, Die, Repeat. M commented slightly wearily that our lives are just like that. We live, die a little and then do the same day all over again. I know that could be said of most people's lives in reality but I think M is feeling the weight of this life of ours particularly heavily at the moment. Mostly I don't think about it. Too hard. Too scary. But I too am tired. it all feels too difficult right at this moment.
I only made an initial enquiry. That's all. Nothing else. I need to remind myself of that as the Boy awakes and we get on with the evening.
Off to find a potato