Thursday, 29 September 2016


So....I have been helping at a mums and tots group for children with additional needs...well, we have only just started properly and so far haven't had many children but the group of peeps who help are all very lovely. Today I was talking to a specialist who came in to always surprises me how quite how close to the surface my feelings about JBoy are. We were talking about a time when Jboy was about two..unable to do anything much..even sitting up wasn't something he had mastered. We undertook a programme called Portage which breaks down into teeny tiny segments every action that you are trying to do...Progress is chartable...he can sit for 5 seconds...he can sit for 6 seconds, 10 seconds etc etc etc. It is an amazing scheme and i was surprised to learn that not everywhere in this country offers it as standard. Jboy made huge progress in small easily achievable chunks which the Others were able to see and help with too. It is a long time ago now but talking about it today brought back all those feelings, long since buried beneath the detritus of life...emotions run deep. Felt a bit on the weepy side to be honest...not in a self pitying sort of way..more of a 'we got through that' sort of thing, with a bit of 'HOW did we get through all that?'thrown in. Now my Boy has just arrived home from the MMDC, is demanding dvds and food and all manner of things. (Apparently today he has been 'lively' ..which is MMDC speak for Mr Opposite and Into Everything...)..I had better attend to him.
By the way, Portage is the practice of carrying one's canoe from one body of water to another and is also a place in the Americas where the Portage system for helping chaps and chapesses of Otherabilities was invented ...although what carrying canoes has to do with it I am not entirely sure.....

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Monday, 26 September 2016

Booktastic my new and most recent role as part time sometime bookseller, I have had lots of fun making the kids section look kidable ...oh the places I could go with it.......and today, I was given a great gift...I get to read stories to the littles. Oh yes I do!!!! I know that for some people , this would be a nightmare and maybe for me it will turn out to be too.......but I love books, I love story telling and I love at the moment I only feel excitement. With the white hair that bedecks me, I am a grandmotherly figure which might be attractive to some children and repellent to others. Only time will tell. I can do stories....I like stories. Anything can happen in a story.....

Imaginations away......

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the end of a potato free weekend

So...a weekend without the Boy has passed like the proverbial flash. Where did the time go?  It went on painting the bathroom, sorting out the loft and generally being busy,trying to get done all the things we can't normally get done. Today, he will be returning, expecting potato and Shaun the sheep on tap. We have enjoyed a sheepless weekend and indeed a potato-free weekend to boot. It has shown us that we still like each other (that's a relief) and have things to talk about. However, we haven't managed to sleep very well. Months, nay years, of broken nights have taken their toll and our sleep patterns have been well and truly mangled. Neither of us slept well at all. Each night was a little better than the night before really we need a week at least to get proper sleep and recharge our internal batteries. Oh cannot have everything!!!
We have a plasterer coming to do the  kitchen ceiling, where the old bath leaked through.....he asked me to remove all ornaments and pictures from the walls.....has he seen our kitchen????? It may take me some time!!!!
On another completely unrelated note, today i saw a pixie hat.......

Autumn is truly here

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Saturday, 24 September 2016

hello again

So....I have been inactive here for a while...not the Black Dog this time, hurrah. I have been gainfully employed once again in  the most marvellous Bookshop which has in the past offered me employment. I can now legitimately look at books, stroke books, stack books, smell books and organise books ...and be paid for it. They employ me for a few hours, within the Jboy parameters, to do those things. I even get to introduce some people to the books they never knew they needed to read. I have helped grandparents find books, helped a teen boy find books, discussed the merits or otherwise of several volumes, entertained toddlers and sorted shelves to look attractive and irresistible. I have put aside many books then put them back on the disciplined of me. Would that they could pay me in books!!!! As far as I am aware, Jboy has not noticed the difference, other than the fact that I am extremely tired on the days when I work so when he has his post MMDC nap, I have one too! This week, he has hurt his foot by kicking the car in protest to our asking him to get in it. We were in the grand metropolis which is not far from us. He had got into the car to go there, we had walked around, purchased the odd thing, had cake in a cafe and were trying to return home. this Jboy did not feel was acceptable!! He showed his protest by kicking the car so violently that he hurt his foot and subsequently could not walk for two days. This meant that i was IN ...and i don't do being in very well. However, after two days he was limping and very very keen to go to the. MMDC as he was bored beyond reason at home with me...he clearly doesn't do being In very well either. He has managed very well all week and is now at his Most Marvellous Respite Centre. We have celebrated by painting the bathroom ..well, M has.....cutting the grass, again M....while I have been chatting to you. A fair division of labour......maybe not :-)
Jboy is being particularly difficult at the moment which is why this weekend could not come quickly enough. I am...nay, we are eternally grateful for the MMRC and cant imagine how we would cope without it.
So..on with the day.......
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Friday, 2 September 2016

Joffalo 3.00am  a wild creature started to shred my skin, roar in my ear, breathe hot firey breath on my face and general pummel me into a pulp.....what manner of wild animal was this? A Mythical Beast perhaps? Some form of bear? Of course was my now here I am, nail clippers in hand , trying to pin down the wild creature and trim its talons whilst watching some pre school joy. Life is surreal.....
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Thursday, 1 September 2016

The Black Dog returns

So....this summer has been characterised by me and the Black Dog going head to head on several occasions.  I could feel his yellowed teeth in my leg and smell his putrid black breath on my skin. He makes me tired and tearful, weary and worried, anxious and ailing. My Other self tells me these days will pass and pushes the Black Dog away, unafraid of its bark or bite but sometimes, just sometimes, the Black Dog wins. I bear the scars.  My Boy is lovely but relentless in his neediness and dependence. Sleep deprivation must eventually take its toll. Maybe it is the longer and hotter days that give the Black Dog his energy yet sap mine. I have been near the precipice ..ok mixed metaphors,sorry....and those that know me,know that edges and precipices are not things which I enjoy in any way.
But today is September. Today I am being gummed by a greying dog which is much less scary than being bitten by a Black one.
So...onwards and upwards
Happy September y'all
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