The year that wasn’t

 So....someone should write a book...The Year that didn’t happen.....Or..The Ghost year...or something. If I had the time and the inspiration, I might.....of course I guess I have the time....nothing to rush out for ...no appointments to keep really...I just don’t have the story line...bit of a shame in a story, eh?? Maybe I could market it as a ‘write your own year’ sort of book......😂😂😂😂

So here we are August 2020. 

We didn’t have a holiday. Like many others in the world. 

I did resign..the strain of exposure to viral soup while caring for a vulnerable chap made the decision easier than I thought it might. I couldn’t do it. I know I know..doctors , nurses ,all the key workers do....but they are not me and one can only do what one can do...or not. I miss the people I worked alongside. I miss the satisfaction of bringing order to unordered shelves. I miss the chats with people, some of whom have told me so much about their lives that I feel I know them well. I miss the eclectic choices of books some people order and the challenge of finding them...I miss dressing the windows....

J has not had any day service or respite since March. We are a bit weary now.

Before the Great Pandemic of 2020, we were going to have part of our kitchen redone as it had seen better days...however old COVID put a stop to that and now M has decided to do it....there is much sawing and measuring..sanding and other things. Meanwhile, J sits on me and I fight boredom...sometimes boredom wins. I am grateful..truly....just squashed and slightly wild eyed🤪.

I hope the lockdown and subsequent easing hasn’t been too stressful for whoever may read this.

Stay safe

And may the year pass peacefully 

The End

What day is it.....?

So...I don’t know about the rest of the world but we in this house have almost forgotten about days and  times.

We have stopped wearing watches...there is nothing to be on time for. J reminds us about meal times...and snack times ...and then food...then cake....several times a day. I think he might be trying his luck.


The Boy is still confused by the lack of his normal routine...where is the bus???

So, we have developed a sort of routine. After breakfast and the general morning activities, Mike takes JBoy out for a walk through the deserted town and I go in the opposite direction.

Apparently, JBoy copes better without me...or is it M, I wonder???😁😁😁😁  it has worked so far...

This morning, after watching steam trains on YouTube..(🤪🤪🤪🤪)which is J’s idea of delight,we turned to the marvellous Joe Wicks to see if J would engage in the PE lesson that Joe  is doing for the nation ,and indeed the world ,every day.

M leapt into action and started to do the exercises, trying to encourage J to join in.

( The Pikachu jumps were a sight to behold.)

(As were the Sumo wrestler squats)

J was not persuaded to join in.


He was more than happy to watch M from the comfort of his seat..
And.sometimes my knee


M was of course brilliant.....Me???.Of course I joined in .....in spirit only....someone had to be on Josh watch after all😉

So, now I am home after my morning exercise outside, on my one allocated exercise walk  . I have completed my circuits of the park, avoided dog walkers and runners....feel suitably exercised and am ready for a cup coffee...  I am not barista standard, a bit of instant is what you get here.....

Now........What shall I do today?

Hmm......let me think


I think it will be social distancing ...


So, whatever day it is and whatever the time might be , wash those hands and keep safe.

The End

Day One

So...the respite centre and the MMDC have both been closed for the foreseeable future.....understandably, for the safety of everyone.

Today was Day One of our garden centre free life. We ventured to one of the marvellous UK National Trust parks for some fresh air. They were, at this point, open and free.

They are now ,as I write this evening, closed.

As we arrived, we found ourselves in a queue of cars...not a good beginning for social distancing...once we got into the huge park, however, we were able to keep a good distance between us all...even the cars were parked with social distancing in mind.

 We had a good walk, J tried to chase some deer and then we had a picnic in the car.......He wasn’t happy...the routine was all wrong. Where was the garden centre??? Where were the bacon sandwiches? The fish? The whirly wind things?

Wrong.


We survived our day.

M and I had made a list of all the parklands within a reasonable driving distance so that we could get J out. He needs to go out. He cannot entertain himself at home. WE need to go out. There is only so much Shaun the sheep that a grown up can take!

Now we learn that the NT lands are to be closed. We aren’t completely surprised because although we were all very well behaved today and didn’t get close to each other, it was a lot busier than I think anyone expected. The poor volunteers who were directing us were becoming very frazzled at the never ending stream of cars., flowing into the car parks.

I know this is selfish and lots of people have things a million times worse than us..but the prospect of weeks and weeks of being literally in with J is not a happy one.  For any of us.


So...Day the first and Day the last of free NT entry.

How quickly that time went!😁

May health and goodness flood our world.

The End

PS I am now customer 7411 in a queue for an online supermarket!!!  Might just go to bed.

Socially distancing and such like.....

So...what days,eh??

Uncertain and a bit scary.

I know I am old but I am not old enough to remember the 2nd World War with all its privations and rationing, but I guess we have a small taste of all that right now. All called to pull together and look out for each other. Will we look back on these days as my parents did with the war...will it be a defining time?

 We certainly have difficult, unprecedented times.

In films and books and things which have helped inform me of the war years, I understand that people were less keen to wait.....why wait, when tomorrow might not come??

In a light hearted way, there has been a little of that in our house today...some Easter goodies arrived in the post(since going to the shop for essentials might not include Lindor eggs)....😁

...however, M and I have scoffed all but two!!!

We thought long and hard about it.

No we didn’t.

They were delicious. Yum yum.

I currently have a leave of absence from work due to my frailty and great age(I can milk it when needed) so M and I are both at home ...he has done lots of decorating...I have watched....I have also browsed a lot of on line shops, waited in a virtual queue for the supermarket on line shop page only to find that they didn’t have the things I needed and read a lot of dross.  Roll on nice weather so I can go into the garden and faff there.

J was due to have a week of respite on Friday...that is now cancelled...as is respite for the foreseeable future. M and I had decided not to send him to respite....a whole new melting pot of germs to contend with....but I am so glad the decision was made for us.

Just waiting for the MMDC axe to fall now......😨

My doctor’s appointment next week is now a telephone call....poor doctors...what a difficult time they must be having. I guess most are as in the dark as the rest of us are....yet they are the ones expected to have the answers. Give them all a medal, I say.🏅


Well, the potatoes are in, the Boy will be home shortly demanding his daily Wallace and Grommit and I have another chapter of dross to read....stops me from going completely bonkers.....(or does it?)

Stay safe and wash those hands


The End

Coronavirus and mental health

So....

I assume I am not the only one who is trying quietly...and sometimes not so quietly ...not to panic.

Not just for me but for my offspring...each of them susceptible in their own ways...and then there is JBoy with a compromised immune system and no awareness of cleaning hands , keeping his distance etc etc.

My brain is in meltdown.

I am trying to do all the positive things....thinking good thoughts, looking at nature etc but it is there, lurking like a great big cloud, ready to engulf me at any moment.

Deep breathing

Mindfulness

All the things..

.yet there it remains....

dark and looming..

.the Worry Cloud.



The End

Birthdays and that...

So....today is my birthday.

 I am quite old now, apparently.

Inside I don’t feel as old as the years say I am....for which I am most grateful.

I am relieved to have reached this great age, especially as for two months or so I have  been a poorly peep with viruses galore..or maybe just the one which lasted a very long time. At times I did feel aged and decidedly infirm...it was a sensation which I did not enjoy.

 I returned to work on Friday and managed about an hour and a half on full Nicki throttle then slowly, like a balloon with a small hole, I began to deflate, to flag, to sink inwards......so,energy levels aren’t quite up to speed yet.😏

Thankfully, I had forewarned the Boss of this possibility and he kindly sent me away...I crawled to a nearby coffee shop and weakly ordered my fave caffeine tipple. Once supped, I felt marginally better and able to continue homewards, whereupon I fell asleep (as befits someone as aged as myself😁)until the Return of The Boy who expects full throttle mumma at all times! I endeavour not to disappoint.

The passing of time is a funny thing.....one minute you are young and supple, the next crepey-skinned and  squinty (although I have been squinty since I was 9....so,not sure how that works for me). In one breath, you have a bevy of small children to rally and corral , the next a different bevy of small people are calling you ‘grandmamamamama’. In one blink, you are ‘dear’ or ‘my darling’ and asked if you need help,carrying this that or the other...and ‘Can you manage.......?’....when that blink happened,I knew the transition to Old in the eyes of the world had been made.

No. I want to shout. I am not old...just a bit more golden, silvered and worn.

My chum has a phrase which I shall adopt....I am a Queenager...that stage in which I find myself right now.

I like that.

Excuse me while I polish my crown and indulge in some birthday cake...after all, you are only young once (apparently)

The End

Update...and so on

So..the PiP mystery...payments have resumed. Suddenly, there it was , sitting in the boy’s account.

Hoorah.

No explanation..just as there was none in the stopping.

Which is a mystery in itself. On contacting the great machine that is The System , no one was able to give me an explanation as to why it ever stopped. A Puzzle. A Conundrum. A mystery.

However...for us it is...

Great. Marvellous. Fabulous.

I am truly thankful..but there is that bit of me that is thinking of all those who are unable to or who are anxious about pursuing the great PiP machine...who accept their lot, not knowing that they can and should fight.

It is the lack of communication that leaves me open mouthed and angry..and affronted.and all sorts of cross. Rude if nothing else.

Pleased, delighted and relieved as I am for us, I burn with some deep emotional feeling of injustice for those who cannot protest..finding themselves without the support that they need, without explanation or warning or communication.  It is just wrong.

In other news, I have a second virus which has rendered me coughing and spluttering once again. I have stayed away from the Bookface..it isnt a pretty sight, seeing me doubled over, coughing ...

('Would you like a receipt...bag... free cough with your book, sir?')

The doc agrees...given the added difficulty of a pulled muscle..that I should not infect the customers, nor heave books..so has kindly signed me off for a while so that I can truly recover and cough in the privacy of my own home and not subject unsuspecting members of the public with the sights and sounds.  I am, of course, fighting with the guilt of being off work and leaving all my most marvellous colleagues to pick up the gaps where I should be. Thank you, delightful peeps.

Up until not so many years ago, I felt I was always M’s wife or someone’s mum.....the Bookface has given me the opportunity to be just me. ..a nearly-competent person who can now handle a computer (mostly), deal with difficult people (not that there are many...obvs), have a knowledge of books and authors that was latent but which now can actually be of some use, use the telephone without coming over all hot and cold with anxiety (except at home... clearly) , facilitate a group of likeminded people in a group devoted to books and all things booky...plus all manner of book related skills I never knew existed.

so.....How are they managing without me????  Answer..very well!! I am not indispensable, after all. Life lesson there!!!

I do however suspect that takings may have gone down...since I am not there to buy the stock. That’s one thing they never told me would happen...in unpacking the deliveries and putting books on shelves, one comes across gems..which MUST be bought.....😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂...so I do have my uses.

M and I, in his retirement days and me in my sick leave, have had time to chat a lot...I don’t know if I mentioned here before in my musings that we have been asked to consider the whole DNR thing with regards to the Boy...we need to decide before we get too incompetent to do so. We cannot and will not leave it up to our children to make that decision. It is too hard just at the moment. I can barely bear it. So I am not.....

The people who are trying to find him an assisted living place have demonstrated their complete lack of understanding of the Boy...I had a phone call saying that a one bedroomed, self contained flat had become available and would we care to consider the Boy for this??? I laughed. No, I replied. He cannot be alone..it isn’t safe ...without even considering all his emotional needs for people...I suggested that they get to know him before they suggest anything in the future....I was very polite. Just.

M has been happily decorating the landing this week and has discovered the joy of the paint roller which he had up to date always eschewed....he is now a convert. Even as we speak, he is off to find more paint (without me...eek...I have given clear instruction though.....)(and it can always be returned if necessary)

And that is us......

Right..excuse me while I cough and hold my pulled muscley side ....for it is

The End

And so it goes on....

So....having telephoned the very ice chap at the PiP palace, I have since written emails to various people asking for advice, help, guidance....anything really.

In the way that seems to be the modern life, it is no-one’s ‘responsibility’ and each of the people to whom I sent an email recommended one of the others (to whom I had sent an email) for me to contact.....a veritable vicious circle/cycle.

Today, I have sent a letter. Yes an actual letter with words on paper. In an envelope and everything.....

This will take some days/weeks to reach the person who does have the responsibility ....that is inevitable....so I am not expecting a swift resolution.  It does, however, mean that I feel as if I am being proactive.

I shall ring again....maybe even write again....and on it goes.......


Today, being off work once again but with a different viral infection , so the medics inform me,that has had me coughing the nights and indeed the days away since Tuesday, M drove me in our cosy warm car to a garden centre. Oh, the irony of choosing to go to a garden centre when it is all we do with the Boy!!

I know...how we laughed.

We went to one of our faves which has a log fire and muted music. Of course , it was full of silver haired women and their handsome chaps...or maybe that was just us....once we had quaffed and perused the wares,we sauntered home through the countryside, as a retired chap and his poorly wife can.

We saw a magnificent Red Kite.M seemed to think he was called ‘Hugh”.....’Look at the Hugh,’he cried ...’such a lovely red ‘

(I do know what he meant......😁)

We passed an ancient Iron Age Hill Fort..or at least , the site therefore, enjoying the history in the air.

Now we are home. M is in the garden , doing gardening things and I am doing my Russian..or in fact, writing this blogette..but am contemplating a sleep, cough permitting.

Keep those positive vibes coming for us re:PiP and for all the people who are less fortunate than us to whom it must also happen.

Thank you kindly

The End

Monday again

So...today is Monday. They do come around quickly, don’t they?? Surely it was only Monday just the other day....

This morning, the Boy found the piano. It has been in his room for a very long time but he only just noticed it again today. He enjoyed hammering away on the lower keys which reverberated in a satisfying fashion. He was delighted.

Thankfully this piano playing had put him in a good mood so when the Wrong Bus arrived, he only protested a little...a small attempt at a fling to the ground, prevented by a judicious placing of my knee behind him. Then the Marvellous L , his invaluable and fantastic bus escort who can NEVER leave (just saying, L), talked him onto the Wrong Bus and away they went.

I was due to meet a chum today but she was unable to make it in the end so M and I had an ‘exciting’ trip to a flooring shop to investigate the various types of flooring one can purchase which are not plastic based...we are seeking information at this point and came away, informed , complete with brochures, our heads full of thoughts about wood, engineered wood and various other words...like marmoleum...

Then, to recover,  we ventured into a nearby wood for a walk where I found a Wild Thing...actually it was M ....who has cut neither his beard nor his hair since retiring in September. Not as bad as it might sound..he has had a beard for many a year ..it is just a little wilder...and when I first met him, he had cascading locks which fell in waves and curls onto his shoulders(it was the 70’s)so I find it rather comforting!!

The walk was muddy but we were jolly. The Boy refuses to walk in a wood these days which is a bit of a sad loss to us so our default position when unexpectedly without the Boy is ‘let’s walk in a wood’....so we did.

On returning home, we had a small pile of post awaiting us...a birthday present for someone who has a birthday in March (,not me...even though my birthday IS in March)a most marvellous item of clothing for me from a fantastic company who make long colourful skirts (my wardrobe has gone from bland to beautiful)and an unexpected gift from an anonymous sender. I have no idea who you are but thank you so much..you are very kind and I feel both overwhelmed and completely undeserving of such a gift.

Our heating has been restored, my beautiful new skirt has arrived, we have been given a splendidly unexpected gift and the Boy has rediscovered his piano...all is well with the world.

I hope your world is well too.

The End

To read or not to read...that is the question

So....today I read a book. Not unusual for me tbh...but the book itself was.  It was recommended to me by a member of our Most Marvellous Bookclub which happens once a month at the Bookface. Reading a recommended book isn't unusual per se but this book, the premise of this book was based on the decisions the parents of a child with a life limiting condition had to make.

A painful read. An emotional read. But some of it oh so close to our reality.

Would I recommend this book?

Maybe.....but it depends on the person I am talking to...

You can decide for yourself.
Here is a paragraph from it...

Not for the fainthearted....and have a hanky ready.

The End

PS it is called After the End. Now I am going away to cry.

New decade has begun

So.....it has been a strange sort of Christmas for us here. The Boy and I have both been poorlier than a poorly thing. Most of the festive season, which as you know, is my own personal favourite, has passed in a haze of ibuprofen. My lovely children all rallied round and brought Christmas to me even though we had been scheduled to enjoy the famed hospitality of BassmanBill. Thank you, Offspring!!

The Boy was so poorly that once or twice M and I thought that the end could have been nigh. He neither ate nor drank for hours on end but slept, wasting before our eyes. Thankfully, he rallied and is now, resplendent with candle like nostrils, liberally sharing his largesse with anyone who cares/dares to sit next to him....and tapping his going out bag determindly.

I was delighted to discover that Candlemas(the name popped into my head, unbidden, as I gazed upon the nostrils of the Boy)is in February and is the official (according to ancient tradition)end of Christmas...so maybe I haven't missed it after all, just delayed it a little!!!

Mince pie, anyone???

The End

Have the most marvellous 2020 possible. Wear your party pants.