So...today I had a melt down. Endless broken nights, endlessly unconditi0nally being on hand, relentless demands...finally I tipped. It was a simple passing comment from another of our offspring that tipped me into a downward freefall. It wasn't meant to have that effect. But it did. Our life has not been an ordinary one for many years...but I didn't know how much I grieved for that ordinary life. I hadn't realised how much I long for an ordinary family where we can all sit around together and laugh together and maybe go on holiday together, with our children and their children. I hadn't known how much I envy the ordinariness of going to the pub..or an impromptu visit to a pizza house without military precision planning, bags of huge nappies, wipes etc.i hadn't acknowledged aloud the depth of my feelings, the agony of the pain of not being ordinary and the effect that has had on us as a family unit. I feel like I have failed.
So today has turned out to be a less than lovely day.