So....here we are..back to three- M, Jboy and me. Dancing Girl is back in her world of tutus, leotards and arabesques. I had a good long cry after I had taken her back. So much so that my eyes felt like grit and my head ached that dehydrated ache for ages afterwards. When did our baby get so grownup??? How did that happen?? Why didn't I see it coming??
As each of our lovely children have grown and left, I have felt the space keenly and have even been known to creep in their now empty rooms and have a good cry. Of course, we all bring our children up to go and fly the nest but when the baby goes, it is a shock. Naturally we still have Jboy with us, our perpetual and large baby but he isn't the world's greatest conversationalist....... also as a mum, I have to readjust and find out who I am and what my role is all over again. I am always Jboy's carer, that is a given, but when the others come home it is a completely different sort of mothering role and now I am back to being 'just' a carer. No late nights deep in conversation about the meaning of life, or times when I am a shoulder to cry on, or an adviser about hair/makeup etc (about which I know nothing but I like it that she asks me) I WILL adjust. I always do but these transition days are horrid. The emptiness will fill in.Or cover over. Or be reabsorbed into the fullness of life but just for today,I think I need chocolate.