river of life.....

So...Jboy summoned me early today.  It was cold and dark which always gives me the opportunity to think and meander in my head. Today I was remembering a time, a deep, dismal time, when I turned to a spot of art therapy. What's not to love, I thought. Art. Therapy.The idea was to picture life as a river. We (it was a group therapy) had to picture where we saw ourselves in the river ..imagining it as a cross section. After a certain amount of navel gazing, I realised that at that point I didn't even feel as if I was in the river much..I was in the mud at the bottom of the river...bogged down, life going on above and around me. I felt like a microbe, not even worth a mention. When we placed ourselves in this putative river picture, I explained where I felt I was.  I was shocked when the therapist dismissed my thoughts as 'ridiculous' and not in the spirit of the session.  What sort of therapy was this???  it didn't help me feel better about my self or my situation, I can tell you.  So, what did I come away with from that session???  Well, apart from thinking that the therapist wasn't much of a therapist, it made me determined to allow myself to feel whatever I felt. It is OK not to be ok. It is OK not feel like you are coping. I didn't fit in with this particular therapist's agenda. I had presented her with a scenario she wasn't expecting and instead of embracing that, she made me feel belittled.  I no longer feel like I am at the bottom, or indeed,  beneath the bottom. But I did. And it was ok. It didn't last forever. So wherever you are in the river, it is OK. IT IS OK.  and it will not last forever.
The End