Friday, 25 March 2016

what I didn't say.....

So....I was thinking that when the very helpful social worker  came and asked me lots of questions about us and our life with the Boy, I wasn't entirely open and honest as maybe I could have been. It is in my nature to cope, to manage, to get on, to try not to complain, to be grateful for what I have and not always yearning for the things I don't (not always..note..ie I do sometimes). So where was I dishonest? Less than open? Well ,when she asked what I would like to happen in an ideal world where money was no object and anything was possible, I said I would like someone to do the ironing. Which is entirely and absolutely true. I have always hated ironing. But what I didn't say was...I would like someone to come and sleep here or at least be awake with the Boy in the night so that we can sleep and therefore be armed and ready to face the days with the Boy. I would like there  to be someone who could come at a moment's notice and take over in those times when I think I just can't do any more or can't face another minute of being mauled/loved. I would like to go out with my husband from time to time rather than always having to  sit mindlessly in front of the TV until we watch the moments tick by when the Boy can have his bath and go to bed which means WE can go to bed and wait for the next day to come around. I would like Jboy to get in the car when we need him to. I would like him to come home from town when we need him to. I would like him to stop shredding the backs of my hands as his protest.Or pulling lumps of my hair out. Or throwing my glasses. Or hurting my neck/head/arm. These latter things cannot be made better by money...even if there was any in the social services budget. I could go on but by going on, I would find myself slipping into a POM (poor old me). There is NO point in doing that. This IS the life we have. This IS the boy we have. Much better to be grateful for someone to do my ironing and get on with the rest of it. Much better to laugh and find beauty. I don't deny these other things that I would wish in an ideal world...but I cannot dwell on them and continue to swim in this current of life. I also know there are people whose lives are FAR more difficult than ours. So I  shall continue to cope and manage and get on but if someone could help me do that by doing my ironing, I would be almost entirely satisfied!

The End